Interview with a hero: Green Ranger

Flute player, double-agent, long hair. Green Ranger is in the hot-seat.

Green Ranger brandishing his flute. I mean dragon dagger. (Image from Springfield Punx)

Interviewer: So, Green Ranger, you are not exactly known for your cerebral excellence.

Green Ranger: My what now?

Interviewer: Yet despite this you remain a complex character. Initially introduced as a foil for the other Power Rangers, you switched allegiances and soon joined their kooky team. Why exactly?

Green Ranger: I switched teams? IT’S MORPHIN TIME!!!-

Interviewer: Woah – hold on there. Put that coin away. We need to finish the interview first. For readers who are not familiar with your superhero career, here is a summary video:

Interviewer: So, first of all, why exactly do you wear a motorcycle helmet to do martial arts? Doesn’t that restrict your vision and ability to breathe?

Green Ranger: It’s a requirement if you own a license to drive a Zord.

Interviewer: Ah yes, by Zord I take it you refer to the giant mechanical monsters the rangers call upon when an enemy expands to gargantuan size. I can’t help but notice they are somewhat…counter productive?

Green Ranger: What do you mean?

Interviewer: Well, Zords are supposed to help you protect planet Earth, but you tend to trample on a lot of office buildings in the process.

Green Ranger: Hey, don’t blame me. I control my Zord remotely. With a dagger.

Interviewer: Okay… is this the same dagger that you can also play as a flute?

Green Ranger: Yep.

Interviewer: The same flute-dagger that has the acoustics of a trumpet? Don’t you think that is slightly odd?

Green Ranger: But it’s not a normal dagger. It’s a DRAGON dagger.

Interviewer: I see, so it’s a bit like a pen knife in that it can do multiple things?

Green Ranger: Yea I suppose.

Interviewer:  And, without meaning to emasculate you, how does your flute-knife compare to Zack’s axe that doubles up as a cannon?

Green Ranger: …I could take Zack. IT’S MORPHIN TIME!!!-

Interviewer: Not yet. Just hold on a minute. I wanted to get your opinion on the recent global financial crisis before you leave.

Green Ranger: The global what?

Interviewer: Financial crisis. You know, money? Things have changed since the nineties. The financial crisis is one of the biggest threats planet Earth now faces.

Green Ranger: Don’t worry. I got this.

Interviewer: But I haven’t told you what the problem is yet. It requires maths and economics, not martial arts.

Green Ranger: Give me this chance. I can handle them.

Interviewer: Are you reciting lines from your script?

Green Ranger: We’ve got to stop them!

Interviewer: Alright, I can see you’re reaching for your power coin again. I’ll make the final questions quick. Are the carbon emissions for the Dragonzord high? Because that looks like a big piece of machinery to operate.

Green Ranger: Yea, they’re pretty high.

Interviewer: So even though you are called the Green Ranger, you are not actually that green?

Green Ranger: But I am the Green Ranger.

Interviewer:  But…oh it doesn’t matter.


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